I did it again. I’ll be honest. I said I wouldn’t, but I did. I think I stored up my holiday snacking for the last weekend. Lame. Extra calories for the week? Gone. Enjoyed a few snacks last night? Yup. Banning self from kitchen for tonight? Hell yes. I’ve found I’m in the camp of ‘ya can’t have just one.’ It’s better for me to stay away from certain things than to just have a little. That’s how my brain works. I hope and would like to think that might change, but that’s how it is.
I got an extra burst of motivation from my husband tonight. He was playing a game online and turned around out of the blue to tell me he’s proud of what I’m doing with my blogs and my weight loss. When we met in 2000 I was at my goal weight of 135. That changed pretty quickly. By the end of the year I was up to 190 and by our wedding the following summer I was at 211. I weighed 220 in 2004 when I got pregnant with our first son and gained 25 lbs. When I got pregnant with our second son in 2006 I weighed 260. I didn’t gain a pound with that pregnancy (which isn’t uncommon in overweight women). My doctor kept a very close eye on me and the baby and everything was fine. Believe me, I didn’t skimp on eating. I hope my body realized (even if I hadn’t) that I hit my limit.
I’ve been overweight and conscious of it since 2nd grade. That sucks. I’ve been thin twice in my life, my senior year of high school and my senior year of college. Thinking back, what made a difference was walking. My junior and senior years of high school I walked to school vs. fresh/soph where I got a ride. It was the same for college. My car died so I had to walk to class from the on-campus apartments up the road. Imagine that, exercise helps. Duh.
After my second son was born I joined Weight Watchers at Work. From October 2007-August 2008 I lost 77 lbs on top of the 18 lbs I had lost during maternity leave. I was down to 165 on track to hit my goal weight of 135 by Christmas 2008. Since then I had put 61 pounds back on. In 16 months. Let’s do the math, gaining almost 4 lbs a month. This is why I’m here. I could not continue on that path. I refuse to. I have two young sons (2 and 4). I have a wonderful husband and a loving family. I’d like to stick around for a while. I’d like to participate from somewhere other than the sidelines. I’m on my way. I’ve lost 11 pounds so far. I slipped up with snacking a couple times. So what. My focus is still here. I’m starting over tonight, not tomorrow morning like I used to. I’m not down or out. I’m stronger.
